What does your house do for you? By Bunmi Darling

2010
08.31

Today, as I was sitting up in bed, I looked out of my window and I smiled, if you ask me why I smiled, I don’t know, perhaps my smiling was for gratitude of seeing another day. … I love my Window; it is a window of lovelies, for the beautiful… Out of my Window, the sky is so vivid, sometimes I feel the Sky is so close, that I can almost touch it, but that is just an illusion. Anyhow, as I was sitting up with a smirk on my face, I looked around my bedroom, and noticed my long dangling earrings I had been wearing the previous night. Oh gosh, I must have been so tired not to have place them were they rightly belong. I shrugged my shoulder and thought nonchalantly, they are only earrings, as I was feeling reluctant to pick them up from the floor, after, eyeing the earrings on the floor for which seemed endless, I got up, and picked the earrings, back into my Jewellery case, for safe keeping… I walked out, and went straight to the bathroom, to do a you know… After brushing my teeth, and looking at the few facial hairs on my face, I moaned and pledged to pamper my face, soonest.

A few minutes later, I went out into my garden to talk to my plants. (Yep I do talk to my plants as they believe everything that has live also can hear). I whispered to my Potato Plants and Roses in my Garden, whether they hear or not, I really do not know, but it still feels good talking to my plants.

Moments later, I composed a song in my head, called, “I love my house, I love my house, oh dear, when I wake up from my bed, what I feel, what do I feel, oh oh oh”, I hummed this song for a few minutes, and felt happy about it… I went into the Kitchen and murmured to self, “I actually do like my house, or should I say, I love my house…” My house is my sanctuary, and I can tell you, I have lived in a few grand and not so grand houses, however, I believe wherever you lay your head is home…

Our house, is our heaven, you might not think so, but think about it for a few minutes and you will find that, to live and be a person in this world, you need a roof over your head, for all kinds of different living, mostly for privacy and a place to belong… So, I am always happy to share my house with those I love, even the unexpected visitors…

When you are in your house, you are in your own solitude; you are in your place of haven… This brings curiosity to mind, what of when the world was created, did they have houses in those days? As history has shown, our forefathers lived in Caves, Huts, and still live in Huts in some of part of Africa and Asia… For my readers who do not know what a Hut is… Huts are built of natural materials such as ice, leather, fur, straw, palm leaves, branches and/or mud and exist in practically all nomadic cultures. Some huts are easily transportable.

As a teenager, and leaving away from home, there was always the threat of not owning one’s home which is because as a teenager, uncontrollable behaviours always seems to take the front seat… As kid leaving away from home, we enjoyed the freedom of moving from one place to another, like modern gypsies…

There are so many things that makes me love my house, I could start from my Kitchen, I have a large Kitchen with a Victorian window, they are large and right in your face… My Kitchen can hold a party of say, 12 people, though I do not have a big dining table, but you will find that it is comfortable enough to sit on the floor… A pretty kitchen when loved up…

And then you have the living room, which I am not too keen on, it is small typical of your modern day British new age homes, however, it does have it’s advantages, which is a nice garden at the back and there is a door in the living that opens up the garden… Even though, I was taught agriculture at school, I am still not a good Gardener. A few months ago, my garden was so bushy, that I attempted to cut it, though I didn’t have a Lawn Mower or even a Scissor garden, it didn’t stop me, because I got one from my neighbour, which was a disaster because it caught fire, the reason it caught fire was because the grass was wet and I didn’t realised one could not cut with an electrical appliance when the grass is wet… That was a bad enough experience for me, not to go into my garden again… So my garden grew and grew but recently I noticed plants and the weeds have mostly withered away, as if a Gardener has been in there… Which is great, I thank who tendered to my beautiful compact garden…

When I am in my house, it is heaven… Everything I need is in my house, not that my house is luxurious or anything remotely closed to luxury, however, it has warmth, love, great energy… And the view in my bedroom is amazing, when I wake up in the mornings, the first thing that I look at is my Window, after looking at my window, I would get up, open the window, it doesn’t matter how cold it is, my window must be opened for fresh air, then I would make my way to my bathroom, for the usual… Then I would venture into my room again, sit on my bed, listen to the Radio for some few minutes, have a shower, and then go about my dailies… I do love my house,

This summer has been such a great summer; we had Barbecues for friends and all… It was great fun. My first attempt at lightning a Barbecue fire almost burnt down the Garden table and chairs; however that did not deter me. I simply told myself, I would do it better next time. I suppose it was the anxiety of it all… As one normally does every summer, I redecorated my house with some few coats of paintings, which made it look grand.

I also love having my friends round, and do my own version of COME DINE WITH ME, which is an absolute fun, I simply love cooking different dishes, and the compliments that comes with the food, is another feel good factor. It is really great to have a home to call yours… It is your private space, where you can have your private moments.

It is also more joyous when you have children around the house, the noise they make, which can be annoying sometimes, but also great, to know that you have divine beings such as children at home…

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Poverty Eradication and Employment in Nigeria Written By Bunmi Darling

2010
06.06

Poverty can be described as a situation where a person or the people lack access to the basic necessities of life.   People are said to be poor when their per capita income is below what is considered to be the poverty level, when hunger, diseases and short life expectancy are common features in the land. Poverty has been the lot of most Nigerian homes over the years. It has eaten deep into the fabrics of our nation that any government that comes into power formulates policies aimed at arresting the hydra headed monster called poverty.

Towards this end and in order to fulfil the promises  made to the people which always centres on ways to eradicate poverty, government came up with some policies like; PAP, NAPEP, NEEDS,  etc.
As a matter of fact, in order to illuminate these policies which often emanate from either the top or bottom level of government, it will be good to treat them one after the other. In other words, our concern here is to x-ray vividly some of the steps which government has taken towards the eradication of this phenomenon.

The Poverty Alleviation Program (PAP)

This was an interim measure introduced early in 2000 to address the problems of rising unemployment and crime wave, particularly among youths. It was ultimately aimed at increasing the welfare of Nigerians. Essentially, the primary objectives of PAP are three-fold: reduce the problem of unemployment and hence raise effective demand in the economy; increase the productiveness of the economy; and drastically reduce the embarrassing crime wave in the society.

One could glean from government pronouncements that the targets/components of the PAP include the following, among others: provide jobs for -200,000 unemployed; create a credit delivery system from which farmers would have access to credit facilities;  increase the adult literacy rate from 51 percent to 70 percent by year 2003; shoot up health-care delivery system from its present 40 percent to 70 percent by year 2003  increase the immunization of children from 40 percent to 100 percent;  raise rural water supply from the present 30 percent to 60 percent and same for rural electrification;  embark on training and settlement of at least 60 percent of tertiary institutions’ graduates; and development of simple processes and small-scale industries.

To actualize the objectives of PAP, several measures were put forward in the 2000 Budget as well as other policy documents such as:  increase in the salary of public sector workers that has been decimated over the past two decades; improving the supervisory capacity within the nation’s institutions; rationalization of organizations and methods within the system, particularly that of the existing 16 poverty alleviation institutions in Nigeria; encouraging and rewarding all deserving Nigerians for industry and enterprise; substantial reduction of avenues for easy and illegitimate acquisition of wealth; and  the launching of Universal Basic Education Programme.

The orientation of the PAP is holistic in nature, and if properly planned and managed could tame the menace of poverty in Nigeria. But in spite of the broad feature of the programme, emphasis seemed to have placed more on the creation of jobs through public work system. To this end, avenues were to be provided for the gainful employment of 200,000 idle hands. This aspect of the programme was designed to provide jobs for at least 5000 unemployed in each State. To actualize the programme, the Federal Government earmarked N10.0 billion, which was later raised to N17.0 billion by the Senate. No doubt, this pointed to the Government’s commitment to the programme.

However, in implementation, the programme appeared to be ad-hoc in orientation with little attention paid to the policy framework. The emphasis on massive construction and other public work projects made it look like a one-off affair rather than making it a revolving one.

The programme also paid little attention to the framework of allocation of funds, sustainability aspect of the PAP and the needed collaborative arrangements its success. The political connotation of the PAP served as an important threat to the success of the programme. The programme was portrayed as the ruling party’s programme and hence had met with resistance from the chief executives of the states controlled by other political parties. This was quite noticeable in the launching of the programme at the state level in February 2000.

Besides, the PAP also emphasized provision of credit to micro-enterprises and trading to the exclusion of income and employment generating projects. The programme also lacked appropriate framework for beneficiary targeting. The timing and phasing of the direct labour (200,000 jobs) were not explicitly stated. Yet, this aspect was very crucial to the success of programme.

The National Poverty Eradication Programme (NAPEP)

Introduced early in 2001, NAPEP is the current Program which focuses on the provision of “strategies for the eradication of absolute poverty in Nigeria” (FRN, 2001:3) NAPEP is complemented by the National Poverty Eradication Council (NAPEC) which is to coordinate the poverty-related activities of all the relevant Ministries   and Agencies. It has the mandate to ensure that the wide range of activities are centrally planned, coordinated and complement one another so that the objectives of policy continuity and sustainability are achieved.

Upon consideration of the Joda Panel and Abdullahi Committee Reports, fourteen (14) core poverty alleviation Ministries were identified as follows:

  • Agriculture and Rural Development
  • Education
  • Water Resources
  • Industry
  • Power and Steel
  • Employment, Labour and Productivity
  • Women Affairs and Youth Development
  • Health
  • Works and Housing
  • Environment
  • Solid Minerals Development
  • Science and Technology
  • Finance, and National Planning Commission

Similarly, thirty-seven (37) core poverty alleviation institutions, agencies and programmes were identified. The poverty reduction-related activities of the relevant institutions under NAPEP have been classified into four, namely:

  • Youth Empowerment Scheme (YES) which deals with capacity acquisition, mandatory attachment, productivity improvement, credit delivery, technology development and enterprise promotion.
  • Rural Infrastructure Development Scheme (RIDS) which deals with the provision of potable and irrigation water, transport (rural and urban), rural energy and power support.
  • Social Welfare Service Scheme (SOWESS) which deals with special education, primary health care services, establishment and maintenance of recreational centres, public awareness facilities, youth and student hostel development, environmental protection facilities, food security provisions, micro and macro credits delivery, rural telecommunications facilities, provision of mass transit, and maintenance culture; and  Natural Resource Development and Conservation Scheme (NRDCS)…

Which deals with the harnessing of the agricultural, water, solid mineral resources, conservation of land and space (beaches, reclaimed land, etc) particularly for the convenient and effective utilisation by small-scale operators and the immediate community?

In effect, the current poverty eradication programme of the country is centred on youth empowerment, rural infrastructure development, provision of social welfare services and natural resource development and conservation.

NATIONAL ECONOMIC EMPOWERMENT AND DEVELOPMENT STRATEGY (NEEDS)

The National Economic Empowerment and Development Strategy (NEEDS) 2004 – 2007 is Nigeria’s reform based medium-term plan for economic recovery, growth and development. NEEDS was conceptualized in 2003 and launched in 2004, as a response to the numerous challenges facing the nation. Some of the challenges include the following:-

  • • Near collapse of social and economic infrastructure;
  • • Per capita GDP remained stagnant prior 1990; Grew at 2.2%

1999 – 2003

  • • Total GDP 2001 $45 billion;
  • • Per capital income was $300 a year;
  • • External and domestic debt – 70% of GDP (difficult to service

debt, domestic debt rose by 200% between 1999 and 2002 –

about $9.0billion);

  • • Real sector dominated by primary production sectors:

Agriculture 41%, crude oil 13%, manufacturing 5 – 7 % of

GDP.

  • • High macroeconomic volatility (exchange rate, inflation rate, budget deficit, GDP growth rate, GDP per capita – among the worst in the world).
  • • Finances at all levels of government in poor shape (pension crisis, arrears of salaries, huge debt misallocation and mismanagement).
  • • Nigerian urbanization rate – 5.3% (one of the fastest in the world);
  • • High level of poverty (about 70%);
  • • Dysfunctional education system (low standard, institutions decay, youth militancy etc).
  • • Unfriendly business environment (public sector dominance, rent seeking, weak institutions, corruption, high cost of doing business).
  • • High unemployment rate (urban 12.4%, rural 23.2%).
  • • General insecurity of life and property.

Given the parlous state of the economy, an integrated and coordinated development approach was adopted, with the sub-national governments, developing complimentary medium term plans: State Economic Empowerment and Development Strategy (SEEDS). The conceptual issues on NEEDS/SEEDS are based on four goals:

  • • Poverty reduction
  • • Wealth creation
  • • Employment generation
  • • Value re-orientation

The framework for actualizing the goals of NEEDS is anchored on three pillars.

  • • Empowering people and improving social delivery.
  • • Fostering private sector led growth through creating the appropriate enabling environment.
  • • Enhancing the efficiency and effectiveness of government, by changing the way government does its work.

After looking at some of these policies, let’s also look at some government programmes that are aimed at poverty reduction and employment creation.

Multi-section Programmes include: the National Directorate of Employment, which consists of four main programmes: the Vocational Skills Development Programme, the Special Public Works Programme, the Small Scale Enterprises Programme, and the Agriculture Employment Programme; the Directorate of Food, Roads and Rural Infrastructure, which supports mainly rural infrastructure projects; and the Better Life Programme, which supports a multitude of programmes targeted at women, including agriculture and extension services, education and vocational training, cottage industries and food processing, primary health care delivery and enlightenment/awareness and cooperatives. The last is now replaced by Family Support Programme.

Agriculture Sector Programmes include the Agriculture Development Programmes; the National Agricultural Land Development Authority, the Strategic grains Reserves Programme. These programmes promote utilization of land resources through subsidized land development, supply of farm inputs and services and credit extension to farmers, and institutional support for produce marketing cooperatives. Health Sector Programmes include the primary Health Care Scheme, which aims at providing at least one health centre in every local government; and the Guinea-worm Eradication Programme, launched in 1988 with assistance of donor agencies including UNICEF, which supports health interventions to control diarrhoea diseases, eradicate guinea-worm, and promote changes in knowledge, attitudes and practices relating to water use, excreta disposal and general hygiene.

The effectiveness of the PHC programme was hampered by inadequate funding from the LGA’s, and lack of equipment, essential drugs, and trained manpower. The Guinea-worm Eradication Programme succeeded in reducing the number of reported guinea-worm cases from 650,000 in 1988 to 222,000 by the end of 1992.

In the Education Sector, the Nomadic Education Programme developed curricula for nomadic education, trained nomadic teachers, and provided infrastructure for the nomadic schools; additional programmes were targeted towards girl’s education, women and children in exceptionally difficult circumstances, and adult literacy.

In the Transport Sector, the Federal Urban Mass Transit Program was established in 1988 to rescue the public transport system from imminent collapse.

New buses were put into public service and loan schemes helped cooperatives and private operators acquire transport vehicles. However, the demand for public transportation in many urban areas continues to outstrip supply.

The programme consists of site clearance, construction of concrete drains and culverts, etc. However, shortage of funds resulted in non-payment of compensation to former owners of assets in the acquired areas, and non-development of essential infrastructure such as access roads, water, power supply, etc.

Financial Sector Programmes include a few initiatives begun in 1989/90: the National Economic Reconstruction Fund which provide long-term loans at concessionary interest rates to promote small and medium scale industrial projects; the People’s Bank of Nigeria which extends credit to the poor who could not have access to the credit facilities available in the commercial and merchant banks; and the Community Banking Scheme which provides credit to small scale producers on their own personal recognition.

Nutrition-Related Programmes consist of programmes aimed at improving food security, prevention of micro-nutrient deficiencies in children and women, promotion of exclusive breast-feeding, deforming of school children and promotion of food quality and safety. Manufacturing Sector Programme includes a Small-Scale Enterprises Programme. This is designed to promote the growth of small-scale enterprises in Nigeria. The programme involves government promotion of small-scale industries through easier access to bank credit, artisan technology and the provision of appropriate infrastructural facilities.

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What is forgiveness By Bunmi Darling…

2010
05.05

What is forgiveness? We have all made so many mistakes in life that we sometimes wish we could kick ourselves in the butt for being stupid. We still have to forgive ourselves for making bad choices. Forgiveness is a way of releasing ourselves from the pain we have experienced at the hands of others. It is a release from judgment, including  judgment of ourselves.

To forgive someone does not mean you agree with all the bad that has been done to you, but a way of releasing yourself from the demons of your heart… It does not mean you can change what happened or erase what they did. What’s done is done. All we can do is release ourselves.

To forgive, you have to heal yourself, healing is like the peeling of an onion. As each layer is removed, another appears.  As I look at an onion I notice that the outer layer is tough and not too tasty. It’s a hard shell produced to protect the innersweetness the core of the onion possesses. So rank are some layers that tears come to the eye as they are peeled away. But the peeling continues because we know that the centre is sweet and the tears will subside and a  good meal will be enhanced by its presence.

What I’ve found is that I need not forgive and forget, because it is really quite impossible. What I need to do is remember the event I’m dealing with and then release it. Remembering, is not always pretty it usually hurts. But I’ve found that nothing goes away by my ignoring it and if I wish to grow these things need to be dealt with. Say after me, today, I  forgive those who have wronged me and slandered me for no just reason…  My hurt, my pain goes out of the window…. If I am to be honest, the people that have wronged me are the people that I have always been kind to and always wishing good for them.

Their badness will not stop me from being who I am, it is not about me, but them…. … Forgiveness is not something you do for someone else, but to free YOURSELF from the continuation of pain and anger. It is a gift to your peace of mind, your self-esteem, your relationships with others, your future.

And please release those pains, pains will never let you see joy, rather it will eat into your skin and then you lose who you are for being bitter…

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Owanbe Party, Would you? Written By Bunmi Darling

2009
12.28

I never thought the day would come when I would put a Pen to Paper and write about Owambe Parties, except today, I am. For my Readers who do not know the meaning of Owambe, Owambe Party is a cultural, traditional shindig which takes place in Nigeria, particularly in the Western part of Nigeria, Owambe Parties are predominantly celebrated by the Yoruba people, though it has transcended to all the other tribes of Nigeria. As an outsider, if you witness an Owambe gathering, you would assume, barbarous! As it involves spraying money on the celebrants and Party goers, even though Nigeria is one of the poorest countries in the world, when it is an Owambe Bash, we are never short of money to spray, we do not spray only Naira, we spray Dollars, Pounds, when you spray foreign currency in Nigeria, it means you don arrive, ya money don come yafuyafu (Yafuyafu means plenty).


The name Owambe, is a Yoruba word, when translated to English, it means “it is there”. Owambe is also a slang which the Southern people of Nigeria, the Igbo’s, concocted, mainly because of the elaboration and flamboyancy of these parties which can be deem as ostentatious to the other tribes of Nigeria such as the Hausas and Igbo tribes and foreigners. Igbo People have a way of pronouncing owambe, when you hear an Igbo man or woman pronounce Owambe, you will definitely have a tear filled face of laughter. More than enough times I have often asked my twin soul, the birth of Owambe, with deep thoughts, my mind goes back to when Nigeria was still flourishing economically.


In the 1980s as a child in Nigeria, I can still recall a time my mother was dressing up for an Owambe Party, my mother is a gregarious and beautiful woman, also an introvert and an extrovert, nonetheless when it comes to Owambe parties, she does make an effort to look beautiful. I would sit quietly in my mother’s bedroom and watch her Pancake her face with Make Up, the results were often very stunning, she would wear her best Lace, or Aso Ebi. Aso Ebi are traditional Yoruba Uniforms, they can be of Lace materials or Aso Oke, and sometimes in Silk materials, Aso Ebi simply means an attire for the family, but it does not end with just the family, a lot of affections are attached to Aso Ebi, anyone who decides to wear an Aso Ebi with the celebrant is showing love, that they love you and want to wear the same thing you are wearing on the day of your party, no matter how much the Aso Ebi might cost.


Nowadays, Aso Ebi has become very exorbitant and endearing, back in those days (few years ago), Aso Ebi were styled in Iro and Buba or Bubu, but in the new millennium we have taken Aso Ebi to a different dimension of styling and designing, they are now designed as Skirts & Blouses or Dresses and trousers. For an Aso Ebi, you will need your Shoes and Bags to match, the same colour and styles. Not to mention the, Jewelleries, the Jewelleries do not come cheap either, they are mostly Italian or Saudi Gold, however, I suppose a lot of Nigerian women are no longer placing significance to expensive Jeweleries, they are enlightened as to know expensive Jewelleries does not define one’s status as being rich or fashionable, these days, Nigerian women tend to wear Costume Jewelleries by various Western Designers such as Christian Dior, Cartier, etceteras.

A typical Owambe party in Nigeria would mean having to disrupt a whole street; the parties would take place on the streets without permission from local authorities.


Tables and Chairs would be set on the streets, with no consideration of their neighbours, furthermore, their neighbours are never forewarned, in that aspect, we can be quite lawless and insensitive to the needs of our neighbours. For the calamities of these Owambe parties which are held on residential streets, the parties do not end three or four hours, they carry on till the next day, if it’s a Wedding, they will have the Engagement party on a Friday, then the Wedding party the next day, which means, there will be a road blockage for two days, however, they can be quite enjoyable as the atmosphere is always a joyous one to behold. Although, things have changed immensely, we are now enlightened to rent Halls and Hotels for social functions.


For an Owambe Party, one would necessitate a life Band such as Juju or Fuji Musician, for Fuji music, we have the likes of Kollington, Sikiru Ayinde Barrister and for Juju music, Ebenezer Obey who is now a Pastor and of course King Sunny Ade. King Sunny Adé (Sunday Adeniyi, born 1946) is by far the most popular performer of Nigerian tilde;¹jú music. With his band, King Sunny Ade and His African Beats, King Sunny Ade became an international star across Africa during the mid-1980s, touring and gaining a significant audience in the United States and
Europe.


King Sunny Ade is known as the Minister of Enjoyment. King Sunny Ade is the equivalent of Paul McCartney of the Beatles. For a high profile musician as Sunny Ade to perform at your Owambe party, it means it’s a high class Owambe party, which might be attended by all the movers and shakers of Nigeria. Although these various musicians of Fuji and Juju music are mainly there to boost the celebrants and party goers self-image, by singing with their names. The idea is to spray the musicians calling their names with Naira, Pounds or Dollars, with hindsight; I believe it is also a feel good factor, to make the celebrants and Party goers feel very special for the night, when they are being praised by their favourite Fuji or Juju musicians.


In all probability, one might wonder how they exchange Naira to foreign currencies at Owambe parties, to change Naira to foreign currencies such as Dollars and Pound at an Owambe party, one does not have to worry about leaving for a Bureau De Change to exchange ones Naira for foreign currencies. Upon entering a typical Owambe party, there are hustlers who are ready to exchange Naira for Dollars or Pounds. The more Dollars or Pounds one sprays, the more one’s popularity explodes amongst Nigerians and Nigerian women. For that particular night, a Mr Nobody turns to Mr Millionaire, just for spraying fifty dollar bills which are really one dollar bills.


At an Owambe party, you are guaranteed a good meal, there is always food available for everyone and anyone, when it comes to Owambe Parties, Yoruba’s are munificent, traditional Yoruba food are readily available for one’s consumption, the food mainly consists of Jollof Rice, Fried Rice, Fried Snails, Eba, Amala, Iyan, Asaro, fried Chicken, Goat meat, Beef, fried Fish, just to name a few, the thought of the food, sometimes causes one to attend these parties, as they are always well cooked and mouth-watering. I dare not forget the doggie bags too.


The abundance of free alcohol at Owambe Parties can be quite enticing and these alcohols are not cheap, they range from Champagne, Brandy, Exotic Wines and Sodas. In Western societies, people are not that open-handed, if one attends a party here in London, you might be asked to bring your own bottle of alcohol, although it can be fun taking your bottle, but I say, what is the point of taking your own bottle of alcohol, when you can easily stay in your residence and drink your alcohol and play your music, on the other hand, what is the point of drinking your alcohol alone when you can share it with friends and have a good chinwag.


A lot of Nigerians would agree the merriness of Owambe parties, and condemn the futile display of wealth at Owambe parties. However, Owambe parties has become a traditional Yoruba entertainment, which has also has been embraced by other tribes, such as the Igbo and Hausa tribe, and the embracement is a very unique one, as these has harmonized us as one Nigeria. More so, Nigerians have broadened their scope, Nigerians are no longer having Owambe parties on the streets, rather at rented Halls and sophisticated Nigerians rent Hotels.

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Romance in Nigeria Written By Bunmi Darling

2010
01.24

It was a cold Saturday night, the Weather was tempestuous, and I was terribly bored, I decided I would watch a film. As I rummaged through my DVD racks of films, on the front cover of my DVD was a black man and a woman in a clinch, I moaned and smiled, “these sorts of images are often not displayed in the African communities” I thought aloud. I took out the DVD from it’s rack and had a proper look, amazingly, it was a Yoruba film, but wait for it, it was a romantic Yoruba film titled “Mo ni fe re” meaning “I love you”. Hurray, I sang with gratitude of passion, tonight is sure going to be fun, I was thanking my lucky stars that boredom would be at the back-burner. I got up, and wiggled into my Kitchen and decided I would pop some Popcorn to munch, whilst watching my romantic “Yoruba film.”

I was in full swing thinking of Romance, I went for a drive into my childhood and knocked on the door of the first memory of romance I encountered. I met my parents at the door, but romance was missing from this memory, I thought about all the Nigerians I knew, I reminisced about love and romance, have I ever seen or witnessed any Nigerian couple openly displaying romance to one another, I got a cold response from my mind. With these thoughts in my head, I shivered, I didn’t shiver because I was cold, I shivered because I was shocked that no one I knew in the Nigerian communities in London, really show love or romance to one another. As I made my way out of my Kitchen, Popcorn in one hand and a Cup of tea in the other hand, it then occurred to me, I could write about Romance in Nigeria, hey presto, that was it, I am going to write about romance in Nigeria, I said to the universe. I grabbed my Laptop, I laid on the Couch with my Laptop on my thighs grinning frivolously.

I took a handful of my Popcorn in one hand and munched, while I inserted my Yoruba DVD romantic film into my Laptop with my other hand, and decided I would write later. At this time, I had a smirk on my face, the first image I saw on my DVD made me laugh hysterically, a Yoruba man with a Pot belly, and his wife, (although I was not sure if she was his wife, as it was too early to tell) he was prancing around the woman in their Parlour, his first words in Yoruba was “Mo ni ko wa, owu, bawo lo se hun se e s i? E wo o ma obirin yi? Mo ni ko gbe Omu yen wa kin ba e fenu fa, se oti ri, ki ni mi ti di de ni nu sokoto mi” Extracts from the film “Mo ni fe re”.

I laughed aloud; in fact I almost woke up my neighbours with hilarity. After watching “Mo ni fe re” for ten minutes, the man managed to cajole the woman into the Bedroom, he got her and was romping with her, in the middle of their romped he whispered to the lady “Iya Sikira, Iya Sikira! Iya Sikira! So gbo ni? Mo mo n kilo fun o. Mo n do o o n yedi. Ti kin kini ba kan le, ninu kini yi, walahi o fa si.” extracts from “Mo ni fe re”. I had never seen such primitive display of romantic gesture; it was innocent and funny to watch.

Romance is very much sniggered upon in Nigeria societies, it is not a frequent behaviour for lovers to hold hands in Nigeria, neither is it known for couples to kiss affectionately on the streets or at home, but one wonders, why? We copy most things concerning the Western world, why not copy their romantic ways too? We procreate, we were thought Biology at school, and I can still remember learning about reproductions in my Biology class, but without the romance aspect. It left me wondering, how we as Nigerians express our love for one another apart from the obvious. Surely, before one embarks on intercourse, you have to kiss your partner, hug him or her and whisper sweet nothing to each other or is that just my western ways of romance?

In my research of Romance in Nigeria, I asked a good friend of mine, whom I would assume is happily married, how he romances his wife; his response to me almost executed me with shock. He said “Bunmi, when I was 33 years old, I had accomplished everything I wanted, pressure was on me from my parents to find a wife, the lady I was seeing at that time was a white woman, and my mother forbade me marrying her, in my haste to be married, I told my mother to find me a wife, which she did, do you know I only saw her picture a week before we got married?

“ Really,” I said, “yes Bunmi” he replied. So how did you know you wanted to marry her, did you fall in love with her on your wedding day? I asked, in which he replied, he never fell in love with her, and that for the first one year of their marriage, he could not bare to sleep in the same room with her, as she snored and that he really missed his ex girlfriend who was a Caucasian, I asked him, if he could turn back time, would he do it differently, he said, yes, that if he had known, he would have married his Caucasian girlfriend, as she was willing to adapt to changes if he ever decide to settle in Nigeria, with a bit of elation in his voice, he said, “well, I am fond of her now, as we have a daughter together”.

With deep feelings which are voracious to my understanding of romance in Nigeria, my mind nudged me on a level of realism, perhaps Nigerians are romantic people, we just have a special way of showing our romance to one another, for me, I have always believe that for one to be romantic, you have to be tactile with your spouse, cuddles here and there, and of course, a lot of smooching, however, romance in Nigeria is not really like that of the Western world, with retrospection, maybe our parents were romantic with one another in their own unique ways, I know for sure, food does a play a major factor in relationships and romance in our culture.

If you cook a good meal for your man, you can easily convince him to buy you that Cartier Diamond Watch you have been eyeing at Tiffany’s, yes, Nigerian men love food, once a Nigerian man has eating, if he is agile he might tug at your Skirt and joke with you playfully which might lead you to the boudoir, that is the power of food in our culture, it actually turns our men to romantic gods.

Valentine’s day is upon us, even though Valentine is a romantic celebration which is celebrated on the 14th of February each year, and also a part of the Western culture, Valentine is one event which we have all taken to heart, everyone wants to be loved and romance, whether you are gay, lesbian or heterosexual, we all need someone in our lives to love us and tell us how special we are.

Some have asked the question, why celebrate Valentine Day’s? And I say why not celebrate Valentine’s Day; we celebrate Christmas, Easter, Diwali etc. Personally, I would rather celebrate Valentine’s Day than celebrate Easter, there is something which is exquisite and romantic about Valentine’s Day, and it makes one want to fall in love all over again. I enjoy the gifts of Valentine’s Day, the Flowers, oh I do love Flowers, and I have a penchant for Red Roses and Lavender, fresh Lavender. But do Nigerian men really take Valentine’s Day serious as we ladies do?

Well, from the research I conducted, I found Nigerian men are nonchalant towards Valentine’s Day. You might be wondering if the men I conducted the research with do not have wives or a partners, they do, they just don’t buy Flowers for their partners, as a matter of fact, one of the women whom I interviewed for this research firmly told me, it was a waste of time for her man to give her Flowers and dining at restaurants, she said she would rather cook a pot of good soup on Valentine’s Day, and forget about Valentine or dining out, she lamented on how it was too expensive to eat out these days and that she would rather he gives her the money for Dinner – she reckon she could buy a good pair of Shoes with the money, why waste money on dinner, she said. As a fair person, I thought about what she said, I mean, do we really need to dine out on Valentine’s Day? And I found to my dismay, I was answering no, to my conscious mind…

I suppose if one is really in love with one’s partner, it wouldn’t really matter whether you dine out on Valentine’s Day, I think Valentine’s Day should be spent at home with the children out of sight; you must have private moments for yourselves, to celebrate your love for one another, and if dining out is your thing, why not? It is just that I find dining out a bit of a bother on Valentine’s Day, the stress of having to book a table at a posh restaurant and on getting there, you find to your horror, the restaurant is crowded with other lovers who had the same idea as you – to dine at San Lorenzo of Knightsbridge, that could be a bit daunting, as a crowded restaurant is always synonymous to noise, and really, you want your partner to hear you from where you are sitting, without having to shout into their ears.

If you are going to celebrate Valentine’s Day at home, cook your partner’s favourite dish, make sure you have your exotic Candles on the table, after dinner, sit down together in front of the Fire Place and chat with your partner, but please do not forget to wear that sexy Victoria Secret’s Lingerie, it does help when sexual desires overcome one. It is not sexy to wear grannies panties under a sexy dress, it kills the fire. Give your guy a good massage, talk to him, whilst you are massaging him, remember not to use Vaseline Petroleum as the duplicating Oil for your massages, try Oils of love for Massages, you must not forget to ask him to give you a massage too, tell him how his hands feels on your body, look into his eyes as if he is the only one that matters to you, (even though your mind is thousand of miles away thinking of Tyson Beckford and his penetrating eyes) Release yourself and work with your imagination.

Here are my Romance tips:

Chocolate Melt – Heat up a chocolate heart until it melts, when it starts to melt, remove it from the heat and place it in the refrigerator. Give it to him or her with a note that says “My heart melts when I’m around you.”

Buy him his favourite Soccer shirt, he will love it…

Buy her Chocolates or her favourite Perfume because you care for her.

Buy a bottle of Pink Champagne, you do not need to break the bank to do this, you can buy less expensive Pink Champagne at Marks & Spencer’s or your local Off Licence. And use your imagination with the Champagne; you can try drinking the Champagne from each other’s mouth…

If you are not a creative writer, search for Love quotes that expresses the way you feel about your guy or girl and send it to him or her on their Mobile phone or you can tuck it into his Jacket before he sets off for work and for her, put it in her hand bag with a wad of notes wrap round it, that is sure going to make her day.

You can record yourself on your Cell phone singing and send it to him…

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Why Would You Date A Nigerian? Written By Bunmi Darling

2010
03.12

When I first embarked on this article, I contemplated on what I would write if  I was not a Nigerian but willing to date a Nigerian. I took my mind to an overdrive of 180%, and I pondered on the question, would I seriously date a Nigerian? I wondered and I reminisced on the way the Western Media portrays Nigeria and her Subjects, the Nigeria culture, the way of life, the government of Nigeria, and my mind went berserk. What the world comprehends and believes of Nigerians are alarming and scary, it scares me and it frightens, it seems we Nigerians are now caged in an unseen prison by the world and Western Media.

There is nowhere you will venture, in any part of our globe, once you have the green Passport; you are mentally and automatically labeled, no matter how decent and educated you might appear. We are being killed off by the Western Media, propaganda on its own planet. I am scared for Nigerians, and I am scared of Nigeria.

Why would I date a Nigerian? As a Nigerian by parentage, I have been sub consciously taught I should stick to people from my own country and that includes the choice of men I date and those were my perceptions too, whilst growing up. The beliefs of dating outside my race never crossed my mind, I have always wanted a good Nigerian man, who I could be romantic with, someone who would be the romantic character in my Mills & Boons, but hey, fantasy and realities are two different things, I learnt the hard way.

I would date a Nigerian, because of the culture and perhaps languages. I love Nigerians and I take pride being a Nigerian (when no one is looking). I will not blab to you on how I Represent Nigeria or how much I love Nigeria, however, you will see it in my actions. Nigerian men are very desirable men, they are mostly men of honour and dignity, to have one as a king in your home is a joy to cherish. I know you are all probably thinking, yeah right! But that is the honest truth; I adore Nigerian men.

Further, even though the genesis of my adulthood started in England, I still crave for everything Nigeria, by now, one would think I would have gotten used to men of different colours and races, except it is not the case, there is just something which is magnetic about Nigerian men, they remind me of King Pharaohs, they are alluring and they shout masculinity, those qualities enchants me to Nigerian men.

When I was researching this article, my thoughts were, I would make myself the case study, and my phone rang, it was my friend, Jordan. Jordan is a Nigerian girl; from Cross River, Jordan is one lady who is very upfront and direct in her approach to people and life. I picked up my Cell phone from my organised table and smiled when I saw her name flashing on my Cell phone, I thought, yes, this is it, this is the answer, Jordan, would have one or two things to say, as she always has an opinion on everything. Jordan, I squealed into my Cell Phone, “how are you darlin?” She said, Fine, and I conveyed the topic, I said, Jordan darlin (I call my dear friends darlin’), “Why would you
date a Nigerian?” She laughed and said Bunmi, “you mean, why would I not date a Nigerian?” We both giggled and she replied, Bunmi, if I had my way, I would date and marry a Nigerian, but as you can see, there are not that many responsible Nigerian men in London, they do not suit the image I have of men when I was growing up I sighed in a delirious manner and tickled her brain, what do you mean? I asked, in my most calming voice, You mean you cannot date a Nigerian guy? She retorted Bunmi, are you deaf? I said I can’t date a Nigerian, as I find the men rude and uncultured Jordan, now reminded me I should not forget she was married to a white man, oh, I said.

Jordan is one lady who epitomises strong, black and beautiful, she has beauty and grace, however, she has always been unlucky were men are concerned, Jordan, had her first son at the age of eighteen years old, to a married Nigerian man, who vouched he would never have anything to do with her son, and he never did, I think it tore Jordan’s heart to little Ices, ices that refused to melt in her heart.

Throughout my conversation with Jordan on the Phone, I felt sadness in her voice and the echoing of her voice revealed the emotional sadness in her heart, she kept pausing to each of her comments and it occurred to me, I had touched a raw nerve in Jordan, I muttered something about dashing to the shops and that I would call her back. After the Phone call with Jordan, I took a deep breath, and wondered into obscurity, I thought about my own life, Jordan’s life, the tramp down the road, name it.

On a more serious note, would I date a Nigerian? Let’s assume I was white and I wanted to date a black man, would I date a Nigerian? It would occur to me, I was alienated to the Nigerian culture and the people at large. It would play on my heart strings, my ignorance of Nigerians and their ways of life, except what the Western Media manipulation portrays of Nigerians, which are mostly diabolical news. The culture would play a major part for the relationship to stay afloat, which means sharing both cultures, which in itself  is knowledge, a lot would be gained from dating a Nigerian man, as a white or black woman, as most Nigerian men are gallant and generously endowed
in some areas.

Bringing back the scenario of a Nigerian woman, would I date a Nigerian man? I think I would, I don’t know any other men other than Nigerian men, to me, I find men from other countries charming and strange. I could not imagine waking up in the morning and not speaking to my guy in Yoruba, Igbo or Hausa. As I write, I shiver at the thought of cooking a good stew of Eforiro, Egusi, Jollof Rice, Ogbono and my foreign guy not appreciating my food. I love to see my man finger licking at my scrumptious Nigerian cuisines, and I know such imaginations of seeing my guy loving my Nigerian cuisines will not happen with a foreign man, but then when you truly love a guy, whether foreign or Nigerian, all I have mentioned would be irrelevant, because to love a person is to love their culture… Moreover real and true love conquers all, so they say.

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